leech removed from eye, cockney Bible and lost lab


In Sydney, a 66-year-old women was gardening in her backyard when she flicked dirt into her eye. "After multiple attempts at wiping the dirt away, she felt some movement in front of her eye and called for her husband's help. He saw a leech four to five millimeters long pass across her cornea and under the upper lid." Doctors were able to successfully remove the leech with a saline solution. Source

Mike Coles wrote a cockney version of the Bible endorsed by Archbishop of Canterbury, Dr George Carey. Dr. Carey wrote the foreword and believes this version will bring the Bible back "into the marketplace, into the streets, where it originally took place". Here is the Lord's Prayer (as found in Luke 11:2-4) as translated in this version:

HELLO, Dad, up there in good ol' Heaven,
Your name is well great and holy, and we respect you, Guv.
We hope we can all 'ave a butcher's at Heaven and be there as soon as
possible: and we want to make you happy, Guv, and do what you want 'ere on
earth, just like what you do in Heaven.
Guv, please give us some Uncle Fred, and enough grub and stuff to keep us
going today, and we hope you'll forgive us when we cock things up, just
like we're supposed to forgive them who annoy us and do dodgy stuff to us.
There's a lot of dodgy people around, Guv; please don't let us get tempted
to do bad things. Help keep us away from all the nasty, evil stuff, and
keep that dodgy Satan away from us, 'cos you're much stronger than 'im.
Your the Boss, God, and will be for ever, innit? Cheers, Amen.

Source
Simon, a Labrador mix went missing from his Baltesz family in Bristol. After using the conventional methods, the Baltesz family started sprinkling their diluted urine around town with trails leading back to their house. "A small army of friends and volunteers has been helping."

Mother, Louise says: ""There are people who are upset about it, but I'm too emotionally drained to think about it," she said. "I'm worried about it - I really am. . . . I do feel mad doing it, but I'm driven to desperate measures."

Simon has been lost since July 4th. Louis adds, "The house is so quiet without him. He's a bit of a special dog because he was a rescue animal and it took us ages to rehabilitate him.'He's unusual for a Labrador because most are friendly and approachable but he was so badly treated he doesn't trust anyone except us. We are really attached to him."

Source Source Source .

3 comments:

satire and theology said...

'He saw a leech four to five millimeters long pass across her cornea and under the upper lid." Doctors were able to successfully remove the leech with a saline solution.'

YIKES.

Katman said...

dogs dead. buy a cat...they can find their way back home better. & it saves their owners pissing on every street corner

i beati said...

omg